Why do we quarrel, argue, anger, and fight?

So why do we quarrel...Answers on a postcard please …

Because I…

·      am running a pattern. 

·      fear something, but haven’t got the words to talk about it rationally.

·      hate the person.

·      feel threatened.

·      am sad.

·      am confused.

·      am angry.

·      never saw it coming.

·      am in denial.

·      do not feel loved.

·      am not in control.

·      want to blame someone/anyone, instead of admitting I am wrong.

·      can’t back down.

·      can’t do what they are asking for.

·      act this way under too much stress.

·      lack awareness…

How can we quarrel when we are aware, when we are awake? We just can’t. When we quarrel, we get caught up in our brain, and the emotions get high. We feel under attack, our fight or flight hormones get triggered. We start bringing all types of stuff up from the past, from our past.   All things unsaid, that we still carry, unresolved deep down in our bones. We get flushed full of adrenaline, cortisol and then we attack. Like a wounded animal going into battle. In a fight. With our tongues from passive aggressive all the way to full out venom, and if we are really unlucky also with our bodies, or using things around us to really hammer our made-up message home. We erupt quite literally not caring what or who becomes collateral. Winning is all that matters.

And every time we wound ourselves … every single time, over and over again.

So how do we do this. How do we not quarrel. We stop and breathe. We count to ten. We regulate our breathing, and our heart rate, which will calm our nervous system, we move, we walk away. We do not react; we become inquisitive into ‘why do I feel this way’. 'Why have I just been triggered?', And we do our work (after all this is the only work there is to do). Notice it is all in the I, in the me, no one else. And if we really have the courage, we can say our fears aloud.  Not for them to be fixed, but just for them to be heard…Love bubbles up from within not without, when the space allows. So the time is now 'Atha' to create space, however old we believe ourselves to be…

So, this week’s invitation when you are about to argue with someone. Stop, breathe, and come to the situation from a space of alive, full awareness, and see how this helps you and the situation turn out a whole lot better. Come from a space of adult to adult communication, not an eruption of unmet needs that we could never fill back once upon a time, why?because we did not have the language of deep love for ourselves, and therefore of who we believe ourselves to be, and not be.